I have found that school has lost importance to me; and meaning. My education now is in life. I have found it difficult to actually sit down and write, or read, or do anything that requires mental concentration. I started this blog post almost a week ago, and here I am, trying to remember what I was thinking, or what I have been thinking. I have finished Genesis in both the Bible and the Plotz book, and still, despite how engaged I feel while reading, I fail to remember clearly what I have read. I guess that is part of the grieving process. So here is another broad blog to get some ideas flowing. This is the blog I started last week and now struggle to finish:

After yesterday's class, I began to contemplate my own first memory and realized that it is a Genesis-type story. I do not know how old I was; I was climbing on a chair and I fell and split my chin open. I am pretty sure I was not supposed to be climbing on that chair but, naturally, I was guided by my curiosity, rather than by my sense of morality, to climb anyway. Why is it that we have an unquenchable curiosity for the things that are forbidden? It seems to me that God, in some ways, lead Eve to taste the fruit by forbidding it. I think the surest way for a parent to ensure that their child do something is to forbid it or tell them not to.

I want to talk about God for a moment. Why do humans have this trait of curiosity? (Do other animals wonder about their surroundings, constantly searching out an answer to the question "why"?) Alas, it is part of the human condition to be aware of the absurdity of our existence and to search for purpose and meaning in life. We cannot seem to be content to live as long as possible, our main life goal passing on our genetics. And thus myth and language were born from our humanness as we seek to explain and understand the world around us. To primitive man, God was not only necessary for morality, organization, and control (God provides morality through fear of the ever-present Judge; He provides organization through that same fear and by bringing people together under common beliefs; and He allows us to feel we both have control and lack control: when we need to feel that events in the past were out of our control, He is our scapegoat. When we desire to feel we have some control over our future, He allows this through prayer), he was necessary to explain nature. Now, with the field of science explaining and ever broadening realm of the natural world, has our "God" become a God of the gaps? Without need for explanation of those things that we cannot understand, will God no longer be necessary?

I think that the God of the Gaps theory pertains to those who take the Bible "literately" and fail to understand myth. Yes, for the culture that gave birth to the Bible as the manuscript we know it today, part of the role of their story was to explain.

To me, the big bang theory is not another creation myth. But when I try to explain why, that seems to be exactly what I come up with. The big bang is another creation myth. Science today is not so different from the way that the authors of genesis observed the world. I want to say that we no longer exist in a world of myth, but in a world of science, technology, and logic. Science, though is only a process that begins with observation of the natural world. A theory of explanation is applied to these observations, and if the theory cannot be proven wrong, it holds. Is this not what the authors of the Bible were doing to explain their natural world? The only difference is that their methods of "proof" were not as accurate. Science begins with imagination, a story if you will. And from stories grow theories. And from theories grow "facts".

I return to my question: why do we need explanation? Why are we creatures filled with desire? We cannot simply be content, but must instead constantly search for contentment, happiness, and satisfaction. But what a wonderful gift this restlessness is because it has given rise to language, myth, and stories. Primitive peoples needed stories to explain their world, just as we need stories today to explain ours. We need literature today to heal, to empathize with, to examine and explain the human condition.

I think it is interesting to ask what the motives behind the Bible were. Some of the story exists to explain natural phenomena (where do we come from? Why do we die? Why do humans wear clothes and feel humiliated and vulnerable naked? Why do tragic or evil things happen?). But story also exists so that we do not feel so alone. We are social creatures, and we are social even in solitude because we have stories that allow us to relate to others through imagination if not in the physical world. I think that the characters in Genesis are very realistic because they are so far from perfect. If everyone was truthful and pious and generous and kind they would not be human characters. Nor would they be believable. And there would be no basis for conflict, and therefore not much of a story.

So what can I learn from these people who wrote such an influential text? (I must pause to marvel at this connection I have to a culture that has been swept away by time). Bloodlines seem to be very important to them, but not in the same way that my family is important to me. Their interest seems almost biological--whoever can pass on the most of their genetics will have a better chance at preserving a piece of themselves in their offspring (isn't this what animals do?). God, and family, loves conditionally. You must do good things to earn love ( and all fathers seem to have favorites: Gen 37:3: Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his children, because he was the son of his old age. What? What kind of father loves one son more than any other? Isn't that politically incorrect to say or something these days? Today Israel would love both sons equally, but differently. Yet, without this favoritism there is no basis for the conflict that follows).

Of course I notice all the things in the Bible that have to do with death and grief. I notice that when receiving horrible news, many characters tear their clothes. I think of the moment I realized that my father was dead and I wanted to do something to signify the importance of that moment and the enormity of my distress. The tearing of clothes seems to signify "this was a tragic event". In our culture we seem to seek to dull these sensations...

I notice that many of the stories in Genesis have a moral character, and I am surprised to discover that this character is often NOT God. In the story of Joseph, the moral of the story is set up by a human, not by this character, God.

The characters are constantly being tested, like when Joseph is tested by his master's wife. Perhaps these tests are in the story to explain why bad things happen. In Gen 38:7 : "Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death" we are given an explanation as to why babies die.

I thought it was strange that Joseph's brothers only ask forgiveness out of fear, and because their father told them to, not because of any moral calling or guilt that they might feel. But again, from the story of Joseph, explanation exists. Why did this horrible thing happen to Joseph--why was he sold by his very own brothers? Because God intended it to happen: "God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today".

I will try to make my future blogs more economical, specific, and current with my thinking so they are not difficult to follow. I apologize for the sporadic nature of this blog entry. Trying to play catch up...