Joseph and Home

I have been thinking about the concept of "home" lately. I feel like I have lost mine within the past two years; at least I've lost many of the personalities that come together to create the feeling of "home" as I associate it with my childhood. My grandmother died in November of 2007, the cat I grew up with (and I've always had a very close connection with these animals) died this November. My dad died so, so suddenly this summer (and he of course is the BIGGEST aspect of this concept of home I have; his influence in my life has been even greater than my mother's), and then less than a month later Mom and I had to have the dog put down (and we were all very close with this dog). So here I am, feeling thrust into adulthood and questioning what my concept of home is now.

I think about "home" especially in connection with the Joseph and his brothers story. I feel in general that I am missing a personal connection (some level of empathy perhaps?) with the characters of the Bible (lacuna???!!). Homer captures the essence of his characters in so much depth: they are well developed, round, juicy characters. They anger, they weep (always they weep). There is violence, love, and all of it is described in so much detail, it comes alive in my imagination. So why do I not (yet?) connect with the Bible on this same lever? Why do I feel that I am always missing something (well, perhaps because I actually am)? Imagination is a wonderful thing that children posses and should never let slip away. I find myself missing the imagination I had as a child, and now I have begun to find some aspects of that imagination again. So where is my imagination as I read the Bible?

Back to what I set off to talk about. Home. I visited "home" this last weekend. And I found that it no longer contained much of the essence of home. I began to wonder about what Joseph felt about his home, and how it was so cruelly ripped away from him. What kind of home did he come from that his brothers could have the emotional vacancy to sell their brother because of jealousy? Of course, there is no story if they are unable to sell Joseph because of moral code or some form of love for their brother. But how is it that Israel can love Joseph so much and his brothers can love him not at all? How did Joseph's absence affect the feeling of "home" for his brothers and for his parents?

How did Joseph re-create "home" and how did that change and shift for him? Joseph loves. He loves his God, he loves his brothers and his family--unconditionally. His entire youth has been ripped from him by these men, and yet he can forgive them. I will return to this subject.

There is something so beautiful about the response of characters when called by God or their father: "Here I am". I am not sure why this simple phrase strikes me so, but it does. There is so much conveyed by that response. When Joseph answers to his father Israel in this way, I think of a young boy who will do whatever his father asks of him without protest or question. The same is true when Abraham is called by Yahweh to sacrifice his (stressed: "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love...") son. He is humbly the servant. And at the same time that I find beauty, I am also bothered by these characters serving so readily. Does Abraham not think for himself? Does he not grieve tremendously to discover that not only must his son die, but that he is to die by Abraham's hand? Why do we not see any of the emotional reaction from either father or son?

I have found that school has lost importance to me; and meaning. My education now is in life. I have found it difficult to actually sit down and write, or read, or do anything that requires mental concentration. I started this blog post almost a week ago, and here I am, trying to remember what I was thinking, or what I have been thinking. I have finished Genesis in both the Bible and the Plotz book, and still, despite how engaged I feel while reading, I fail to remember clearly what I have read. I guess that is part of the grieving process. So here is another broad blog to get some ideas flowing. This is the blog I started last week and now struggle to finish:

After yesterday's class, I began to contemplate my own first memory and realized that it is a Genesis-type story. I do not know how old I was; I was climbing on a chair and I fell and split my chin open. I am pretty sure I was not supposed to be climbing on that chair but, naturally, I was guided by my curiosity, rather than by my sense of morality, to climb anyway. Why is it that we have an unquenchable curiosity for the things that are forbidden? It seems to me that God, in some ways, lead Eve to taste the fruit by forbidding it. I think the surest way for a parent to ensure that their child do something is to forbid it or tell them not to.

I want to talk about God for a moment. Why do humans have this trait of curiosity? (Do other animals wonder about their surroundings, constantly searching out an answer to the question "why"?) Alas, it is part of the human condition to be aware of the absurdity of our existence and to search for purpose and meaning in life. We cannot seem to be content to live as long as possible, our main life goal passing on our genetics. And thus myth and language were born from our humanness as we seek to explain and understand the world around us. To primitive man, God was not only necessary for morality, organization, and control (God provides morality through fear of the ever-present Judge; He provides organization through that same fear and by bringing people together under common beliefs; and He allows us to feel we both have control and lack control: when we need to feel that events in the past were out of our control, He is our scapegoat. When we desire to feel we have some control over our future, He allows this through prayer), he was necessary to explain nature. Now, with the field of science explaining and ever broadening realm of the natural world, has our "God" become a God of the gaps? Without need for explanation of those things that we cannot understand, will God no longer be necessary?

I think that the God of the Gaps theory pertains to those who take the Bible "literately" and fail to understand myth. Yes, for the culture that gave birth to the Bible as the manuscript we know it today, part of the role of their story was to explain.

To me, the big bang theory is not another creation myth. But when I try to explain why, that seems to be exactly what I come up with. The big bang is another creation myth. Science today is not so different from the way that the authors of genesis observed the world. I want to say that we no longer exist in a world of myth, but in a world of science, technology, and logic. Science, though is only a process that begins with observation of the natural world. A theory of explanation is applied to these observations, and if the theory cannot be proven wrong, it holds. Is this not what the authors of the Bible were doing to explain their natural world? The only difference is that their methods of "proof" were not as accurate. Science begins with imagination, a story if you will. And from stories grow theories. And from theories grow "facts".

I return to my question: why do we need explanation? Why are we creatures filled with desire? We cannot simply be content, but must instead constantly search for contentment, happiness, and satisfaction. But what a wonderful gift this restlessness is because it has given rise to language, myth, and stories. Primitive peoples needed stories to explain their world, just as we need stories today to explain ours. We need literature today to heal, to empathize with, to examine and explain the human condition.

I think it is interesting to ask what the motives behind the Bible were. Some of the story exists to explain natural phenomena (where do we come from? Why do we die? Why do humans wear clothes and feel humiliated and vulnerable naked? Why do tragic or evil things happen?). But story also exists so that we do not feel so alone. We are social creatures, and we are social even in solitude because we have stories that allow us to relate to others through imagination if not in the physical world. I think that the characters in Genesis are very realistic because they are so far from perfect. If everyone was truthful and pious and generous and kind they would not be human characters. Nor would they be believable. And there would be no basis for conflict, and therefore not much of a story.

So what can I learn from these people who wrote such an influential text? (I must pause to marvel at this connection I have to a culture that has been swept away by time). Bloodlines seem to be very important to them, but not in the same way that my family is important to me. Their interest seems almost biological--whoever can pass on the most of their genetics will have a better chance at preserving a piece of themselves in their offspring (isn't this what animals do?). God, and family, loves conditionally. You must do good things to earn love ( and all fathers seem to have favorites: Gen 37:3: Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his children, because he was the son of his old age. What? What kind of father loves one son more than any other? Isn't that politically incorrect to say or something these days? Today Israel would love both sons equally, but differently. Yet, without this favoritism there is no basis for the conflict that follows).

Of course I notice all the things in the Bible that have to do with death and grief. I notice that when receiving horrible news, many characters tear their clothes. I think of the moment I realized that my father was dead and I wanted to do something to signify the importance of that moment and the enormity of my distress. The tearing of clothes seems to signify "this was a tragic event". In our culture we seem to seek to dull these sensations...

I notice that many of the stories in Genesis have a moral character, and I am surprised to discover that this character is often NOT God. In the story of Joseph, the moral of the story is set up by a human, not by this character, God.

The characters are constantly being tested, like when Joseph is tested by his master's wife. Perhaps these tests are in the story to explain why bad things happen. In Gen 38:7 : "Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord put him to death" we are given an explanation as to why babies die.

I thought it was strange that Joseph's brothers only ask forgiveness out of fear, and because their father told them to, not because of any moral calling or guilt that they might feel. But again, from the story of Joseph, explanation exists. Why did this horrible thing happen to Joseph--why was he sold by his very own brothers? Because God intended it to happen: "God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today".

I will try to make my future blogs more economical, specific, and current with my thinking so they are not difficult to follow. I apologize for the sporadic nature of this blog entry. Trying to play catch up...

I have been thinking a lot about language recently, but did not realize it until yesterday's class. I have found myself speaking in metaphorical language lately. Perhaps we digress to a more primordial form of language in times of crisis (but is it a digression? I think that was the wrong word choice there...). I think demotic language fails me because there are just no words to describe this experience of losing my father. Even the simple statement that "my dad died" fails to convey the experience; there is no context behind those words. They do not convey the depth of loss, of love, and of life that I am currently experiencing. There is nothing there that describes the relationship I had with my father. The phrase feels empty and cold. I tell people my story, and still fail to convey experience. But with the addition of photos, specific stories, metaphors, people can at least begin to imagine my experience. I have found that the best way to describe who my father was and what my relationship with him was is through a photo album I made. I used several of these photos for a slide-show during his service. I decided I wanted to share my dad with my friends and anyone who wants to see them, so I have made an album on, what else, facebook. And here is the link:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2094052&id=43803548&l=2c60013bcd

And even in explaining to myself what has happened and how I will continue, I have found images and metaphors useful. During his service, I spoke. And I ended by saying that my dad had given me the tools to get through this experience, and I used a climbing metaphor. I continue to speak to myself using climbing metaphors: remember to breathe, put one foot in front of the other, focus on the path in front of you, and in this way, just keep going until you reach the top of this mountain too. I'm not sure that there will be any sort of "summit" experience, but focusing on putting one foot in front of the other helps me to get through each day, minute by minute.

Back to metaphor. I think metaphor continues to be a much more powerful way of communicating than demotic language. Metaphor has the ability to convey emotional or to provoke an experience in a way that description simply cannot do as powerfully. I do think that descriptive language can do a fairly good job depending on how eloquent the communicator is. But metaphor, images, music can reach a place that is just not quite tangible with language. Perhaps the authors of the Bible realized this (even if they did not do so consciously).

On to the Bible. I want to start with some general thoughts and musings as I read.

I have thought a lot about language in reading the Bible in other ways as well. I am continually wondering what we have lost through translation--which seems like a very obvious question to ask, yet I find myself asking it over and over again. I wonder how authentic my experience with this text really is after so many years, so many translators--each with differing interpretations. I suppose that that perhaps authentic experience is not necessary, because this text, in the form that it is in NOW, is vastly influential. And yes, the "original" experience may be different, but that does not necessarily make it any better or worse. I do think it affects the way I view this text from a literary point of view, because I am so far removed from the writing styles of the various authors, I am left with only a faint taste.
Some general questions, maybe some of them have obvious answers:
why is circumcision so important? why have some cultures adapted this practice and others have not?

What is the significance of age? I think many of us wonder why the characters live such long lives in these early Biblical stories. I want to know why it was important for the authors to record the ages and what those ages mean. Are they significant? Or is similar to listing the age of someones death in a history book?

What is the role of comedy in the Bible?

To what extent to these stories exist for explanation? (for example Lot's wife turning to salt explains a natural phenomena. and of course the creation stories explain the existence of the earth, plants, animals, and humans). What were the author's intentions? Did they intend to explain their world, or to comment on the human condition as they viewed it, or to teach? Plotz wonders at the vulgarity, the violence, the sexuality, and evil that exists in the Bible. I think that the inclusion of all of this horrifying material makes the Bible more human. It also makes this text more tangible. Humans are not all good, nor are we all bad or evil. We are a complicated blending, existing somewhere between these binaries. And I find it interesting that not only does the Bible portray humanity realistically, rather than ideally, but so too does it portray God as a more Human character in his imperfections. God is at times loving and kind, at times hostile and mean and vengeful. He is not predictable (perhaps this is due to multiple authorship). God is a force to be feared. Possibly part of this explains the fearful, unpredictable aspects of nature. In a world without science, how else does one explain the terrifying earthquake that devastates a city but that it was the wrath of God. I find it interesting that people try to bring this same character, vengeance and all, into our modern world where the character of God is no longer necessary to explain. OK. That was a bit of a tangent. I guess what I am thinking is that the Bible portrays humans as we really are, with all the ugliness of violence and deceit that is deep within our nature. How many years have we "ruled the earth" and we still haven't figured out a way to settle conflict without violence? Instead we build bigger and bigger weapons.

I have noticed the element of repetition again and again. I think we discussed this in class, but I find it an interesting reminder of the age of this text and how it emerges from oral cultures. I also have found it helpful.

Many of the characters are faced with difficult moral dilemmas; Lot is a good example. I wondered if he had not offered his daughters to protect his host, what other options did he have? (Did he have any options allowing him to maintain some sort of honor or dignity?)

Is there any way of morally justifying the rape of Lot by his daughters? Perhaps, if in the context of the time-period, producing offspring was much more important than it is for us today, it can be justified. Carrying on blood-lines seems to be very important to these characters as well. And doing things that, to us (modern humans), seem to break moral codes or are inhumane are therefore justified. I think it is impossible to have an authentic experience of the Bible too because we simply cannot understand the things that were important to these people. We impose our bias of modern convenience and way of life. It is interesting, though, to talk about immorality in the Bible; the text that supposedly established morality to begin with.

I have noticed that in Genesis 18:22-33 Abraham, not God, establishes morality and justice. Abraham is testing God's morality by asking him if he would save the city to save ten innocent people. I found this very interesting, because here God seems to be almost child like, where as Abraham is playing a more fatherly role. I thought God was supposed to be "our teacher" although, I guess really, it is this text that is supposed to teach...

My name is Natalie

I forgot to add that my name is Natalie Brandsma. I am a biochemistry major, english literature minor. This is my fifth year at MSU, and I will graduate this spring.

I've never blogged before. I like to write, primarily for myself; I am not a good speller. Perhaps I will be some day. I have always intened to read the entire bible from cover to cover. My dad and I discussed the possiblity quite often. I am not sure that he ever did. In recent years the Bible became an important therapist and guide for my dad. He often encouraged me to read specific passages to see if I found the same spiritual fulfillment. I guess I will soon discover what this text has to offer me. I would love to be able to tell my dad that I will be attempting to read it. Perhaps this class will help me along as I try to pick up the pieces and move forward in life without my father, the most important person in my life. Perhaps I will become closer to him. It is strange, the gifts that death brings.
I did not plan to begin talking about my father, but he is the first and last thing on my mind these days. So now I feel I must explain, as I am sure my experience will come up again and again in my blog and perhaps in class. On July 20, my dad and I set out to climb Long's Peak (elevation 14,259ft) in Estes Park Colorado. It was a normal day. Hiking, backpacking, climbing peaks--I grew up with these activities filling much of my time. Before I could walk I was summiting peaks on my dad's back, in a backpack. We had climbed many, many times together. And I have spent the vast majority of my time in the mountains with my dad. The picture I used from my blog is one my dad took that day on Long's.
We were about 200 feet below the summit of Long's, and my dad had a massive heart attack and died. I had to descend the peak alone. And my life is forever changed.

I am an only child and my father was the one person in the world I was closest to. We found this quote on my dad's bathroom mirror:
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."
-Mary Jean Iron

Sorry for the heavy stuff. It helps to share my story; perhaps someday if I tell it enough times it will feel real. And I feel it is important for people to know how drastically different my perspective on life is right now, as my perspective on all things literature is affected also. I promise my future blogs will be a bit more on the topic of the Bible, the other readings, and the class.